Even if your spouse told you it is over and filed the divorce papers, it doesn’t mean that the coffin has been buried under the ground. There is still a chance for you to restore your marriage if you follow the following steps:
Step #1: Acceptance
You will panic or feel defeated if your partner tells you he wants a divorce. You might have reached a consensus to stay apart, but this doesn’t mean he or she won’t come around. The first step to stopping the divorce process is to accept your partner’s decision. Don’t try to change it at any cost. After that, try to focus on the root of the problem, and you might find that trigger point that changed the course of your relationship journey. If both of you can acknowledge the issue affecting you, then you will realize that you still love each other and there is still room for you to be together.
Step #2: Validation
Approach your partner and validate the reason they are leaving you. Although you might not be comfortable with the idea, take responsibility and tell your partner that you understand their reason for filing for a divorce in a shoed and straightforward way. Say something like,” I apologize for coming home late”, or “I am sorry I haven’t been kind to you”.
Step #3: Shut Down
The feeling and thought of a divorce are traumatizing, and your primitive survival alarm might ring louder until you cannot contain it. If you are not able to calm the primitive part of your brain, you will end up throwing words that you never meant to say. The primitive part of the brain is activated when we are threatened with such thing as a divorce. Recognize the fight pattern and stop it before it is initiated. Portray the character of a mature, kind and loving partner and not that of an angry partner in survival mode.
Step #4: Keep Calm
When your partner threatens to walk away from the relationship, don’t chase after him or her. Humans are naturally inclined to persuasion, plead, and begging. In this situation, these are the things you need to refrain from. Allow your partner time and space. Don’t become hysterical. Finally, act in a manner that will make him or her miss you.
Step #5: Work on yourself
Each of you has a part to play if you want to get back together. Do not prepare a list of things you want your partner to change as both of you will have to change for the relationship to be saved. Engage more with your friends rather than keeping calling him or her when you are desperate or angry. Let your actions speak for you as you try to do something different.
Step #6: Invite her for a coffee
This step should be taken after all the above steps have bared fruits and your partner has taken note of them. Arrange to meet for coffee and positive interactions rather that hitting the relationship topic on the first meeting.
The final step is to wait and watch what happens after putting a 100% of your efforts.