After the Affair, Rebuilding Trust

cheating spouse photo
Photo by WoogyChuck

Cheating can cause strain in a relationship to the breaking point. But does cheating have to be the end to a relationship? Is there room for the relationship after an affair? If a relationship is worth something to the couple, the hard as it is you need to sit down with a counselor and address issue. It may be a long and odious journey but it can be achieved. These steps could help in this journey.

Talk About The Pain

An affair is painful not just on the person who was cheated on but on the person who cheated too. The person who cheated feels guilty while the partner feels betrayed and disrespected. The couple needs to address these feeling and talk about the pain. Burying everything down and acting as if the affair did not cause significant pain can lead to more problems in future.

Share Responsibility

Share Responsibility photo
Photo by quapan

In most cases, before a person cheats on their partner, something in the relationship might have changed over the course of time. Is the partner too busy for the relationship? Is work taking too much of your time? Has the other party been insensitive? Are other people causing trouble in the relationship? There is need to identify what the root of the problem is. Upon identifying what the problem is, the person who was cheated on needs to come to terms with the situation so that the healing can begin. Whoever cheated should apologize profusely and promise never to cheat again .


After identifying the root cause of the problems in the relationship and apologizing, it is time to walk the talk. Apologies in most cases include promises of change but a promise is not enough it is time to prove that you have changed. You have to start by fulfilling all the promises you make, if you promise to call at a particular time then call at that time, if you promise to take the trash out every week then do so without failure. You need to be reliable before you can be trusted.


Healing takes time. Before there is complete trust again there is a long healing process. Rebuilding trust will not occur in one day, it is a process rather than an event. Patience is very important during this time. Hurrying the process might leave raw wounds which may affect the new relationship.

You may need to seek the services of a professional therapist to assist in the healing process.Understanding that some people may take a longer time to heal is key. Before things go back to some semblance of normalcy, all the doubt and suspicion needs to be cleared. Committing to the process makes it much easier. Your heart has to be in it.

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